The Fat Swordsman vs Gods of Dieting
by Dreamsofiron
Summary: They forced his girlfriend to go on a diet! It's payback time!
1. Chapter 1

PART 1: Lost Hamburger Arc

The Fat Swordsman and his beloved were riding their mobility scooters for days now. Days have passed since the dreaded gods of dieting forced his girlfriend to go on a diet, she was barely fat anymore.

And on top of that his best friend betrayed them and joined the cursed gods of dieting and forced their comrades to go on a diet so much that they disappeared completely!

They were desperately searching for McDonalds to make her fat again when suddenly the snake demon appeared before them, it was the dreaded Slim Shady. The demon started gloating how he is invincible but Gut, the Fat Swordsman, didn't give him time to react and quickly attacked. The beast tried to defend himself but Gut used his arm cannon to fire hamburgers into it's mouth and make him fat.

The creature started crying and pleading for mercy but Gut had no mercy for the vegan defilers of Midland and forced giant burger down it's throat that made the demons head explode!

But in a fire from nearby ruined houses a vision appeared, it was the monstrous Healthy Ubik and vile Vegan Slan the members of the horrible Diet Hand.

They laughted at the misery of Gut and his beloved but our heroes continued forward to McDonalds.

Now they were in the woods that were close to McDonalds but to their horror and surprise they found a vegan cult there.

"How dare they defile this hallowed ground!".

The cult leader was the fearsome Vegetable Head and Gut needed to put on his Fat Ass Armor to deal with these heretics. He hacked the cultists to pieces but in the final decisive moment the great Vegetable Head turned into Were Vegetable! Using his final strength Gut was able to dodge the fearsme attack and behead the abomination once and for all.

Finally McDonalds was before them and they entered the hallowed halls.

They feasted on hamburgers and Casca managed to regain some of her sanity... and fat.

"Didn't you have some new companions with you, some elf thing or something?" She said, "I ate them all in a fit of hunger." said Gut with pride. "Fuck." Casca said.

After they left Mcdonalds Gut decided that they should go look for a legendary mystic Hamburger that can cure Casca and save Midland.

After days of travel they reached the dark tower where evil priest rules with an iron fist. He forced all people, peasant and noble alike, to become breatharians. Graet darkness was upon the land!

Soon they confronted the priest and demanded justice but he laughted and transformed into demon of dieting.

"You will pay for this foul defiler!" Gut growled in his all consuming rage.

The monster attacked but Gut was quick to dodge and used a bomb to attack his weak spot crippling the soulless horror. Whit monster crippled and confused he quickly used his sword to smite the horrible monstrosity.

Once the monster was defeated thankful villagers told them that the mystic Hamburger is in the forsaken empire of yoga.

When they finally reached the yoga empire they found the fearsome Skinny Emperor riding a elephant.

"Tell us where the mystic Hamburger is or your days are over, vile tyrant!" screamed Gut!

"You will see the true horror of dieting!" gasped the Skinny Emperor and transformed into giant creature so thin that it could barely be seen!

But in that decisive moment legendary fat ass Zodd came to their aide and carried Gut on his back to stab the skinny beast in the third eye. The monster was dead and they were free to look for the mystic Hamburger.

But alas the Hamburger was not there.

The villagers told them that the Hamburger lies in the land of the Elves.

It was time for another journey and many McDonaldses were waiting for them.

Stay tuned for next exciting episode of The Fat Swordsman!


	2. Chapter 2

PART 2: Holy Hamburger Arc

Gut, the Fat Swordsman, and his beloved were crossing the sea on a giant mobility scooter whan suddenly out of nowhere they were attacked by giant sea monster. "Sufferin succotash!" ejaculated the Fat Swordsman.

Monster attacked but Gut was quick to fire a giant hamburger into its mouth. And then monster became fat and happy like them!

"We are running out of hamburgers" gasped Gut with dark brooding sorrows.

He was contemplating eating his beloved when suddenly they arrived on a magic island where the Mystic Hamburger lies.

After they reached the center of the island they found a throne with the holy Mystic Hamburger on it.

"Hello strangers stay awhile and listen." ejaculated the Hamburger.

"Are you the hamburger?" gasped the Fat Swordsman.

"Oh shit, if you don't eat me I'll give you this book of immortality!" pleaded the Mystic Hamburger.

"Prepare your angus!" screamed the Fat swordsman and, with sad heart, gave the hamburger to his girlfriend so she can become sane again.

And now she was sane, but darkness was upon the land, Diet Faggith created an evil land and forced people to exercise, a dark day indeed.

"Now we must return to Midland to defeat the Diet Hand!" erectualized the Fat Swordsman!

After the long and perilous journey they reached the shores of Midland.

And now the most extreeeeme battel beggins! Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Fat Swordsman!


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3 Saga of the Ending

And on that final, faithful day they were all killed by the giant, ungodly fart from Steven Seagals humble ass. A dark day indeed.

The web of causality was broken and the big, fat, stinky fart cleansed the world once and for all.

Now nothing exists except Seagal, his fat, putrid body reaches for the heavens. He is so fat that he becomes the living eclipse, alpha and omega!

Seagal is the future, the beginning and the end. The first and the last!

He is the voice that screams in the darkness, the prophet of fat ass empire,

Seagal is the way, he is life and death personified.

Teach your children to worship Seagal. Praise him! Praise him! Praise him!

Become one with him, covered in his fat, bloated body.

He calls us, he awaits us!

We are one!

HTEH END


End file.
